When I Grow Up

I find myself asking "What do I want to be when I grow up?" from time to time. Silly question for someone that has a law degree and 7 years of experience as an attorney (plus an MBA), right? As much as I tell myself that, I can't seem to shake the question. I find that I am always searching for what is right for me. I like my current job (though it is only part time), but I also want to explore myself and especially to see if I can do something creative with my life. Enter When I Grow Up Coach Michelle Ward. Michelle is a Creative Career Coach who I am working with over a span of about 3 months. We are about a month into the process and I am learning some things about myself and love Michelle's encouragement.

This week's homework had me looking at my personality type and what that means for career aptitudes. I have taken various versions of the Myers-Briggs type indicator tests over the years and always come up with one of two scores--either INFJ or INTJ. I think that I am pretty evenly matched between F (Feeling) and T (Thinking), so that is what explains the differences in scores. I looked through the differences between INFJ and INTJ today and relate a bit more closely to INFJ, so that's what I am calling myself. Ms. Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judge.

Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron looks at each unique personality type and discusses the strengths and weaknesses associated with that type as they relate to career success. Tieger and Barron also list indicators of career success for each type and popular occupations for the types. This was pretty interesting to read and I found myself identifying with each of the listed indicators of career success for my type. Some of the popular occupations for my type were also interesting and include: career counselor, teacher, sociologist, nun, artist, novelist, interior designer, mental health counselor, holistic health practitioner, human resources manager, environmental lawyer (at least one attorney job!), curator, coach, project manager, and human resources recruiter (there are many others).

I can't wait to explore this more thoroughly!

Creative blockage

I recently decided to focus on being creative and feeding that part of my life. I set up time to create, I started thinking about myself more as a "creative," I signed up for group Life Coaching with a creative life coach. And what happens? I can't seem to create much of anything. I feel like a complete fraud. The last few days I have this sinking feeling that I am not really creative and that i just **wish** that I were creative. I sit down in front on my computer to work on some designs that have been living in my head for awhile, and what happens? Not much...mostly just crap that some 1o-year old would make during craft time at summer camp. I started on a painting and was digging how it was coming along...then tonight I went over and ended up complete f*cking it up! I am going to have to start over from scratch. And this is not a "oh, you can fix it?" or "who's to say it is a mistake" sort of thing...it's a completely, totally, non-redeemable action. Ughhh! Maybe I should resign myself to the apparent fact that I not actually creative and clear out all of this stuff that clutter up my craft room.

21.5.800 Challenge Day 2

It's Day 2 of the 21.5.800 Challenge and I am still here. Today was hard. I am exhausted and didn't restorative sleep last night. So I woke up later this morning and didn't have time to workout, do yoga, or write. But, I did do it when I got home, so I get a gold star for effort. I did a yoga DVD that I have at home (Stress Relief Yoga for Beginners). I was challenging. I felt fat and inflexible. And to top it off...Gess was sick and vomiting upstairs while I was trying to practice. I think that my lesson for this may be that I need to do yoga at the gym without Beauty or Gessner to interrupt.

Writing was okay today. I am angry and that is what I wrote about. I am hoping that giving that anger a voice will help me get through it.

Day 1 of the 21.5.800 Challenge

Today is Day 1 of the 21.5.800 Yoga/Writing Challenge and I'm happy to report that I made it. I know that doing things first thing in the morning is the best way to ensure that I do them. This is why working out regularly works best for me when I drag myself out of bed early and just get it done. I also like to start my day off on a good foot.

So, first thing this morning I got up and decided to do my challenge. I read Bindu Wiles blog post about the savasana pose. She urges: "If you are fried, hate yoga, have several children under the age of three, just had a root canal, are exhausted, and/or are energetically behind the eight-ball in every way, PLEASE DO SAVASANA FOR THE 21 DAYS. I promise you the pose will do it’s magic." I fit in the category of friend and exhausted, so I decided to give this a try.

I turned on the meditation music she recommended and got into the savasana (or corpse) pose. I started to relax but could hear my dog wandering around, probably trying to figure out what I am doing laying on the floor! I ignore her, hoping that she will go away, but the next thing I know she drops a toy on my lap. I ignore it, but she persists and puts another toy in my hand. I relent and sit up to play with her for a few minutes...she is just too cute to ignore! I play for about five minutes and try to pose again...no luck. Up I go...maybe a walk will help. It was a beautiful day and Beauty thoroughly enjoyed the walk. She did a lot of rolling, which she is in the habit of doing and I have gotten lax in stopping her since her cancer came back. We stopped at our favorite espresso stand and then headed up. The walk was nice. Sunny, coffee, and a cute beagle. What more can a girl ask for?

Back on the floor, corpse pose. Beauty was still intrigued, but instead of burying me in toys, she just found a spot on the floor next to me. Music on, timer set, Beauty less annoying. One thing that I noticed while I was doing the pose was how tense I am. Even when I am purposefully trying to relax, I struggle. I realized that my left shoulder was hiked up toward my ear and my jaw was clenched. I tried to relax those and focus on my breath.

The one thought that kept occurring to me during this time was self-criticism for not being able to relax correctly! Surely this is not a way to relax. I am hopeful that this challenge will help me both learn to relax and stop being so self-critical.

On to writing...I did write immediately. I showered and did a few other things before heading to a coffee shop to write. I like to write in cafes and book stores. I like the noise as long as it is just a lull...it helps me concentrate. Today I decided to just write "morning pages" ala Julia Cameron.

One of the things that hit me during this writing session is how afraid I am a failure. More on this to come...

21.5.800 Challenge

I'm joining Bindu Wiles and a bunch of others around the web for the 21.5.800 challenge starting June 8th. This challenge includes doing yoga 5 days a week and writing 800 words per day. I will blog about my experiences. I'm looking forward to the extra push to write daily and practice yoga frequently. Stay tuned! Better yet, join me HERE.

Hometown

I was filling out a form yesterday and had to write in my "hometown." I immediately wrote in Yakima, Washington, which is where I grew up and lived for 17 years of my life. But as I started thinking about it, I definitely do not consider Yakima "home." In fact, I pretty much hate Yakima. I still have family there so I visit from time to time, but I don't like it. I get so stressed when I am there. It is not home. Seattle is my home. I absolutely love it here. Where is your home?

Setting Goals

I am in a goal-setting, life-exploring, ready-for-change mode. One area that has been a big struggle for me is my weight. I used to look good. I look back at pictures from college and wonder what happened to me--how I let this happen. I realize that a lot has happened and I can't beat myself up about it...but it is hard. So...I am working on it. And a big part of that is setting goals. My goals are related to both my weight and athletic performance. So....drum roll please....

1) I will weigh 145 pounds and

2) I will complete an Ironman

That's it :)

Can't stop thinking...

...about this scarf. Totally making it. Totally.

from Brooklyn Tweed

DONE!!!

I finished my MBA coursework yesterday. Yippee!!! Now what????

Pass the duct tape please

The good news: I went to a track workout tonight! And I didn't cry! Yay! I went slow and didn't go very far, but I went. It is hard to get back into it. And there are some AMAZING athletes on my team who run circles around me.

My coach asked me what happened (why I haven't been to workouts) and my immediate response was that my life fell apart and it is true. I feel like my life has fallen apart. I don't talk about it a lot on this blog, but my husband has cystic fibrosis. The last year and a half or so have been really difficult and he just can't seem to get better. I feel like we are walking on a tight-rope with his health and it's a scary place to be. My career has also been through a transition period. I lost my job almost a year ago and I haven't found a full-time job yet. It ended up working out well so that I could deal with my husband's hospitalizations and also be there for my father when he was dealing with cancer. But, it has been rough on me mentally. I am working part-time now and doing some interesting work, but it just isn't the same. I am scared that I haven't been able to find something yet, but on the other hand, I am also scared that if I did find a great opportunity that it would be too hard to do with all of the other stuff going on.

So yeah...life has been messy...and there are days when I am a complete mess. But I am trying to put things back together. So, pass the duct tape and let's go!

A rough road...

I will admit it. Things have been really rough. I don't want to whine or make excuses, but I am struggling and really just tired. So...I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and hoping for better days soon.

Edward Worthington Sr.

Edward C. (Ed) Worthington Sr.

YAKIMA - After a short, valiant battle with lung cancer, Edward C. (Ed) Worthington Sr. succumbed on March 22, 2010 at Willow Springs. He was born in Yakima September 11, 1940 to Glenn Worthington and Belle Smith Worthington. He attended school in Yakima and enlisted in the Marine Corps after high school. Ed had several jobs after the Marine Corps. He worked as a roofer and as a chemical dependency counselor. His favorite job was working with disabled adults. Ed loved to fish and camp. He volunteered at Camp Primetime. He was close to his family and especially loved his grandchildren. Ed is survived by his loving wife Sherry and sons Robert (Bea) of New Mexico, Ronald (Deanna), David (Danielle), both of Yakima, Edward Jr. of Toledo, WA, daughters Lisa Worthington Brown (Mike) of Seattle, Della (R.D.) Osborne and Mary of Yakima. Ed is also survived by two sisters, Kathleen (Jim) Martin and Lora Urvina both of Yakima, and a brother Jim Worthington of Auburn, WA. Ed is also survived by many grandchildren, nieces and nephews. There will be no funeral services but family and friends are invited to a gathering to celebrate Ed's life at 12:00 noon Friday, March 26, 2010 at the LDS Stake Center, 705 S. 38th Ave.

Ed was preceded in death by his parents and infant son Brian.

Which events?

So now that my legs are cooperating, I need to decide what events I want to train for this year. I still really want to do a marathon, but am scared to register now because I am afraid that I will jinx my legs. I would also like to do at least one triathlon...maybe Seafair sprint. A friend of mine is going to do her first triathlon this year, so I said I would do that event. What else? I want this to be an awesome year!!! Decisions, decisions, decisions...

First Track Workout

Last year I decided to join a triathlon group and get some help with my running...well, my shins did not cooperate, so I didn't get to do as much as a wanted. Now, post-surgery, I am joining up with the group again. Tonight was the first track workout of the year for TNMultisports and I was so happy to be there! It was a great turnout...the team is big! I was a slow as molasses, but I was there, and my shins DID NOT hurt! I can't tell you how excited I am! I was nervous when I started knowing that I would be really slow and scared that the pain would be back...but I talked myself out of that and tried to relax. So, about 3 miles tonight (1 jogging at a snail's pace and 2 walking) in the books. Yay!

Thanks Teresa for hanging in there with me and my injuries and a HUGE thanks to Dr. Brian Perry who took my pain seriously and kept at it until we found out what was going on. Jogging without pain is a new experience--one that I could definitely get used to!

Here's to an athletic 2010!!

My New Toy...

...I mean training tool :)

Can't wait to give this bad boy a try!! This is a Garmin Forerunner 310xt Mutli-Sport Training Device with Heart Rate Monitor.

11 Years Ago...

I said "I do" to a wonderful man :)

MBA progress

Credits Required for Graduation

Content Requirements	Credits Required	Credits Applied	Credits Remaining
REQUIRED	36	27	9
Total	36	27	9

That's right...9 credits left--three more classes :)

Bad Blogger

I have been a very bad blogger, I know. But things have just been crazy (and unfortunately not in a good way). My husband and I both got the swine flu. Yep. The swine flu. I wasn't tested (my doctor said it was the swine flu based on my symptoms and the fact that H1N1 is what is going around). But, my husband was tested and it came back positive for H1N1. It is unlikely that we had different flus, so I am positive that I had the swine flu. Luckily I got on Tamiflu and some herbal tea from my nautropath and am much better. Gess is feeling better too. He has a cold now and is on IV antibiotics, so hopefully he will get better instead of sicker.

In other news...I went to a CF fundraiser on Saturday night and had a great time. I met a friend of a friend and we luckily got along very well. She is a lot of fun. The fundraiser was a huge success as far as I could tell. I am waiting to hear the official numbers, but I am sure that it raised a lot of money for the CFF!

School is going fine...only 4 more classes and I am finished with my MBA! Can't wait!

Beauty is doing fine...nothing new on her front. She is spoiled and silly like always.

I haven't done anything crafty in awhile and I hope to remedy that very soon! I will blog and post pictures as soon as I do.

I need your help!!!

I am doing a project for my MBA class and need to get this survey filled out. It needs to be filled out by MEN....so if you are a guy, PLEASE fill this out for me. If you are female, please get your male friends/spouse/SO/brother/dad, etc. to fill it out for me. I REALLY appreciate it!!

http://surveys.polldaddy.com/s/D59358266EB1ACE6/

Thanks!!!